Guns. Guns. Guns.

By Terry Gresham


I once was at a party where all in attendance were Republicans. Naturally, the subject of guns was raised. So I told a joke that went something like this:

“Well, I think everyone with a gun should be shot.”

There swept over the assemblage a brief astronomical silence. Even though the joke wasn’t all that hilarious, they got mad. When I explained the joke to them they got even more annoyed. One said that he got it; yet I wasn’t sure:

”The person shooting the gun-persons would have to be shot as well,” I said slowly, “then someone would have to shoot the person who shot that person, then someone would have to shoot that person, then on and on, ad infinitum, till the ridiculousness was realized.”

My lesson that evening: guns and Republicans are no fun. No fun at all. When I told them this their frenetic anger grew even more RED. How dare I say that they’re no fun? How dare I speak crap about guns in their presence? When I said they should find a 24 hour comedy instructor to explain their absurdity to them, things went to boiling. At this point, I began to think they would get all up in arms like Wyatt Earp and Marshal Dylan on me, but when I looked around the room none present at that party hardly seemed loaded–$–enough to even buy another 24 Pk of beer for the night, so how were they economically going to purchase ME blasters (guns) I proceeded to inform them of this observation–their poverty.  This made them mad, too.

As an aside, I found that I was the only self-employed, home-owning, gun-owning, evil liberal asshole in the place that night. I don’t quite grok that. One guy wanted to borrow a few dollars till payday until  I had too all of a sudden turn into an ass abut guns. This was odd to me I told all present, however, I think the irony of the situation was wasted. Most likely on all the cheap beer.

Finally, I decided to leave that Party to find some joyful people to hang out with. But before I ditched that Republican party, I felt it my duty to recommend a good anger management council. This did not go well at all, either. So I just left and as I did I began laughing, and I couldn’t stop myself, and not at the naughty joke I told. Hey, maybe they were right and I was wrong:  what if my joke wasn’t the funniest thing at that party?



7 thoughts on “Guns. Guns. Guns.

    1. I am tormented by love from all who tolerate my dumb attempt at humor, so no shooting ever occurs when I bring the beer. I merely try to point out the almost religious aspect of the gun issue ’round here. I do have hunting guns, but no hand gun. My philosophy is to never own personal property that I would not care to lose or anything I would not like someone else to have if they truely need it that badly. I like owning real estate though, which has more value to me than mere personal property–real estate tends to be non-pawnable. Hell, if somebody wanted most of the stuff in my house, I might even supply the trailer to haul it off.

  1. My question is: Will there be a shoot out at the Republican Convention. I hear they are going to let people carry.

    1. I doubt that gun play will commence. I know Republicans round here who carry for just the idea of carrying. Most folks pull the weapon out to impress me with their ablility to carry; I always try to look impressed. I once worked for a contractor who carried because he didn’t want to be robbed, however, I was the guy who collected the money at the end of the job; I carried the money to the office, yet I had no gun. Go figure.

      1. It sounds as though they carry for exactly same reasons people buy a Ferrari or a Rolex, and these reasons have nothing to do with protection. And a gun is the only one of these three things they could afford. Or is this is not your experience?

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