2) If you find yourself in a hole,
3) The quickest way to double your money
is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
4) There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to touch an electric fence.
5) Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
6) If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it’s still there.
7) Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
8) There are two theories to arguing with women….neither work.
9) Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco
10) Never kick a cow chip on a hot day
11) Always drink upstream from the herd
12) After eating an entire bull a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
13) In 1914, United States Marines landed at Vera Cruz, Mexico, to protect
Standard Oil’s interests. Next week, Standard Oil, in repayment for the Marines’
courtesy, raised price of gas three cents.
14) They may call me a ‘rube’ and a ‘hick,’ but I’d a lot rather be the man who
bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.
15) No nation in the history of the world was ever sitting as pretty. If we want
anything, all we have to do is go and buy it on credit.
16) So that leaves us without any economic problems whatsoever, except perhaps
some day to have to pay for them.
17) We’ll show the world we are prosperous, even if we have to go broke to do it.
18) We will never get anywhere with our finances till we pass a law saying that
every time we appropriate something we got to pass another bill along with it
stating where the money is coming from.
19) One way to solve the traffic problem would be to keep all the cars that are
not paid for off the streets. Children could use the streets for playgrounds
20) You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going
broke betting on people.
21) The average life of the movie is till it reaches the critic.
22) The average life of the movie hero is till he is found out.
23) The funnies occupy four pages of the paper and editorials two columns. That
proves that merit will tell.
24) Keeping mighty close to home, riding the old Ponies out in the hills and
looking Nature over and seeing how it was making out during the long spell of
25) It just looks like everything is doing fine but humans. Animals are having a
great year, grass was never higher, flowers were never more in bloom, trees
are throwing out an abundance of shade for us to loaf under. Everything the
Lord has a hand in is going great, but the minute you notice anything that is in
any way under the supervision of man, why it’s ‘cockeyed.
26) You must judge a man’s greatness by how much he will be missed.