The State of the Union is Not Too Bad

The State of the Union is not too bad. That is if you actually listened to our President. If you listened to the GOP ‘Gang of Five’ you might be running out in the streets screaming send’em back where they came from. Cut taxes on the wealthy OMG! NO! NO! NO!

It was definitely a scenario more akin to the tale of two cities than it was of the current state of affairs when you listened to the prattle of Joni ‘Castrate them Pig Suckers’ Ernst (and I know how quoth she) and her ‘Gang of Naysayers’. One would have to wonder what rock these people have been hiding under over the past few weeks not to know all the good news coming out about the economy and jobs.

Oh that’s right the Koch Brothers will be holding their early GOP primary in a couple of weeks so let the pandering begin. Pick Me Koch Brothers! Pick Me Koch Brothers! I’m your man even if I ain’t a man. Hey I can castrate a hog in ten seconds flat. Aint that about the greatest qualification for being president anyone has ever heard of? Got my attention.

I spent some time around hogs and although I never castrated one I saw it done a few times. Not something for the faint of heart nor something that I would want to go about bragging about either. I actually did help castrate a few bulls, but that was considerable easier than pigs. Cows they just line them up in a pen and you have these big – well unlike Joni I’ll leave you to your imagination. Not much blood involved though.

When did we get to a place in this country where women are required to out-macho men to make a splash in the presidential sweepstakes? And why would they want to? Women are so much more stronger than men and less faint hearted when it comes to most things like protecting their families. And anyone running for president shouldn’t have to ‘Man Up’ to get in the field. But well it seems in the la la land of GOPery if you can’t sling it and make it stick you ain’t much use to anyone.

The field is getting crowded, but wait there’s more as the old pitch man used to say. Maybe he still does somewhere. Though the field is crowded with all manner of also runs the Koch Brothers have a plan– they are holding this secret gathering inviting all the running men and one or two running women to their secret party where they plan to winnow down the field of suck ups. If you ain’t sucking up to the Koch Brothers you are in big trouble. They pay and you dance and sing.

And what’s up with the ole Mittster? He is a master-hand at deluding himself. He has dreamed the dream of kings and he ain’t yet one so he is going to fix that by guess what? Big Drum Roll Here-rat-a-tat-rat-a-tat-rat-a-tat! He’s running for president because in his dreamful sleep he deluded himself into believing that now the electorate woke up one morning last year and collectively realized that they went to the polls in 2012 and elected the wrong man.

But wait there’s more. Mitt is going to give them a chance to redeem themselves in 2016 as he has graciously deigned to run again. And again! And again if he deems it necessary until the electorate of this nation does the right thing and crowns him king of the hill at last. At long last love!

What a wonderful premise for a new soap opera. But wait there’s more! It is a soap opera a reality soap opera and it stars Mitt the Romney, Newty resurrected, Ted ‘I Hate Everyone’ Cruz, Bobby Jindhal who hates Muslims when he is in Louisiana but loves them to death in England. Rand the Paul who knows from back pain that most people who have are faking. Kick’em off Paul! Rick Santorum who will run to save womanhood from themselves. Chris Christie who has never meet a free plane ride to see the cowboys lose he would ever turn down or a bridge he won’t close just to spite a mayor and into the mix toss a Moose Killing Soccer Mom named Sarah and a hog castrating Ernst who came to Washington DC to make some cuts and we have a soap opera of monumental proportions the like of which you have never seen and after 2016 hopefully you will never see again.

That’s the State of the Union in GOP land. How it plays in Peoria will be anybody’s guess. The State of the Union in real America looks pretty good. Gas prices are down, unemployment is down to less than 6%; 11 million new jobs have been created, over 10 million Americans now have affordable health insurance they didn’t have a couple of years ago. America is the biggest producer of oil in the world.

Pretty good state the union’s in I would say thanks to Barack Hussein Obama!

Great speech by the way!

Bob Bearden


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